Love and Loss: Holding Two Truths at Once
Finding Light in the Shadows of Loss
Life has a way of presenting us with moments of profound joy and deep sorrow simultaneously. My husband and I learned this in the most visceral way possible when we planned our wedding while also grappling with his mother’s terminal brain cancer diagnosis.
As we began planning our wedding, her illness progressed. There were ups and downs, moments of hope and devastation—she was in and out of hospice, undergoing surgery, with tumors that seemed to disappear, only to return. At one point, scans were even misread, briefly making us believe we had more time. But in the end, time ran out. Just three days before our wedding, she passed away.
The weight of her absence was palpable. We were devastated that she wasn’t there, and our wedding guests carried the heavy knowledge of our family’s loss. When my father-in-law stood up to give his speech, the room fell silent. Here he was, newly widowed, toasting to his son’s marriage—a juxtaposition so painful and poignant that it felt surreal.
And yet, the wedding was beautiful. It was a sunny September day in Brooklyn, filled with love and celebration. We made space for our grief, acknowledging those who weren’t with us. There were tears of sadness when we saw her empty chair, but also tears of joy as we stepped into this new chapter together. The coexistence of these emotions was overwhelming, a pressure-cooker of life’s most intense experiences.
Where Joy and Sorrow Meet
A therapist once told me: Life is filled with moments of immense happiness and immense sadness, and sometimes, they happen at the same time. We have no control over the timing of these things. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp what this meant, but standing in my wedding dress, both mourning and celebrating, I understood. For those who have faced a similar experience, grief counseling services can provide valuable support in navigating these emotional complexities.
The Dialectic of Love and Loss
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a core principle is the idea that two seemingly contradictory truths can coexist. This concept, known as dialectics, teaches us that we don’t have to choose between joy and sorrow—we can hold them both at once. Grief and gratitude, heartbreak and hope, devastation and celebration—these emotions can exist together, even if they feel impossible to reconcile.
Many of us experience these moments in life. A new friend recently shared with me that her father passed away the day after she gave birth. She was caught between the immense joy of welcoming her child into the world and the profound grief of losing a parent. It felt unfair, cruel even, but it was reality. These moments, though painful, remind us of the full complexity of the human experience. Grief counseling supports individuals in navigating this emotional duality, incorporating approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to process loss without diminishing moments of joy.
Emotional duality is deeply woven into many traditions and customs. In Jewish culture, for example, it is common to name a child after a relative who has passed away. This practice honors the memory of the deceased while embracing the future, intertwining loss and renewal. It is a way of saying: This person is gone, but their legacy lives on.
Finding Meaning in the Contradiction
Experiencing such intense joy and sorrow at once can feel isolating, as if no one else in the world could possibly understand. But the truth is, many people face these moments of dialectics. Life does not wait for us to be emotionally ready—it moves forward, indifferent to our desire for clear boundaries between grief and happiness.
If there is anything I have learned from that time, it’s that we must allow space for both. We do not have to suppress our grief in order to celebrate, nor do we need to dampen our joy out of guilt. Grief is complex, and many turn to a grief counselor for support in learning how to hold both loss and love at once. We can honor those we’ve lost while embracing the love and happiness that remains.
That September day in Brooklyn, as I stood with my husband, both of us carrying the weight of his mother’s absence, we chose to hold both truths. We let ourselves cry. We let ourselves celebrate. And in doing so, we honored the full, complex reality of being human.
Begin Healing with Grief Counseling in NYC
Experiencing love and loss at the same time can feel like standing in the eye of a storm. One moment grounded in love, the next swept away by grief. As a grief therapist in NYC, I understand how complex and overwhelming this can be. You don’t have to navigate it alone. Grief counseling in NYC provides resources to help you honor the duality of joy and sadness. Follow these steps to get started:
Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your individualized needs.
Schedule your first grief counseling session with me, your grief therapist.
Discover the healing potential of grief counseling, allowing you to embrace love while navigating loss.
About the Author: An Expert Grief Counselor in NYC
Natalie Greenberg, LCSW, is a dedicated grief therapist based in New York City, specializing in helping young adults navigate the complexities of loss. After experiencing the profound impact of her mother's death by suicide at 23, Natalie found healing through therapy and support groups, inspiring her to guide others through their unique grief journeys.
She earned her Master's in Social Work from New York University and holds a post-master's certificate in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. With over a decade of professional experience, including roles at Bellevue Hospital's Psychiatric Emergency Room, Mount Sinai Hospital's leadership team, and New York University’s Student Health Center, Natalie brings a wealth of knowledge, empathy, and humor to her practice. She currently offers virtual therapy sessions, providing accessible support to clients throughout New York.